By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
