Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
