based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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