i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
