i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
