It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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