You work out of a Hotel?
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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