We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
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She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
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All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
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