i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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