i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
