a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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