Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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