Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.