Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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