3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.