oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
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if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
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Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire