The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.