Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I am spending my child support on dildos
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
