Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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