I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Randomize
