I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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