my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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