Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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