Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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