so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
