So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
