I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
