apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
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His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
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Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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