my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
