dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
We got so high we made milksteak
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he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
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I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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