Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
