I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
