he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
