i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
