we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
