I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
