She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
