I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
