I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Ketchup is God's man juice
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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