I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
