two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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