I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
