All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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