Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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