Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
We're not piercing ourselves today.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
