Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
