this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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