Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
