I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
