Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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