Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
well you can't waste a boner
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
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