like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
