I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
