so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
True strength comes from lack of pants
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize