she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
