Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
lol hangovers are for mortals.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
