I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
