I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
