I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize