Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
