god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
