I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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