Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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