If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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