The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
