today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
