I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
