You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
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I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
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I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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