If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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