Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
