there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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