He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
