I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
